I wouldn’t lie

I was listening to an NPR show the other night, and the episode was about lying. One of the guests claimed that lying is more about opportunity than it is about character. So, I asked myself, did I ever lie when I had the opportunity simply because it was convenient do so or because it got me out of an unpleasant situation? Yes, I did.

The guest claimed that most of us would do things we never thought possible (far beyond lying, even) if we were just presented with the right opportunity. Think of how easily we resort to unthinkable acts in an emergency situation or when we think no one is watching. And, sometimes, we even convince ourselves that we did the right thing under the circumstances. It doesn’t take much—beyond opportunity—for us to push our values aside.

Still, I find myself thinking that I wouldn’t lie. No one trusts a liar, and I decided some time ago that no lie is worth losing someone’s trust forever. This is important to me. So, what can I do to keep from falling victim to myself when an opportunity comes?

Well, first of all, I refuse to believe that I can’t exercise some degree of self control. So, I’ve practiced telling the truth, especially when it’s uncomfortable, I numb myself to the negative emotions and state the truth as plainly as I can (in the moment). I push the fear of any consequences just a few moments into the future—just enough time to get that fear out of the way.

But the other thing I can do, I realized, is steer clear of the opportunities to lie. But how? Here are some ideas that I’ve thought of:

• Don’t do things if you feel that you must hide them (hiding may tempt you to lie about those things later).
• All that you do, do it in a way that you can be proud of, now and later (then, you will not fear the truth).
• Be consistent, so that your words match your actions and you are dependable (trustworthy?) to others (your existence, in other’s minds, will somehow become synonymous with the truth).
• Don’t say things you don’t mean (these easily turn into lies).
• Surround yourself with people who respect you, even if you have flaws (we often lie as a way to shield our pride in front of others).

Of course, there are some special cases. At times, you might chose to hide the truth without lying. Or, you may simply not say anything at all. Just know that lying is always an option your brain will consider if the perceived reward is good enough. Don’t reward lying.