Cloying

In Spanish, we have a word to describe foods that are sickenly sweet (the word is empalagoso). I never knew it, until now, but the equivalent word in English is “cloying”. This word is often used to describe the taste of overly-sweet wines, for example.

When something is cloying, it’s not that it doesn’t taste good. Actually, the first bite or sip might be extraordinarily pleasant. Your immediate reaction might be to crave more, or to feel like you’ve discovered the best thing in the world. But, after a few more tries, you quickly find that you’ve had enough. You don’t want anymore, and you might even feel bad if you keep trying.

It’s interesting that we can easily get tired of even the best-tasting things.

I see people in exactly the same way. No matter how interesting, or charismatic, or funny, or “whatever” someone is, too much of them can get old, sometimes pretty quickly. You’ve probably experienced this anytime you spend the entire day with someone. Sometimes it takes longer than a day, but the result is the same.

So, what’s the solution? When it comes to sweet foods (like candy) the easy answer is to have them only once in a while. Then, you can enjoy them every time. One thing I learned a while ago is that we can try to do the same with the way we present ourselves to the world.

Here’s how this might look in practice. Don’t constantly overwhelm people with your most unique words, traits, or tendencies. Instead, offer them “samples” of your personality at select times. It takes practice to find the right times, and you can be risky if you are feeling like it. In any case, a rare showing of unique traits (even if intense) will usually be a welcome surprise. At the same time, you don’t want to always hold back. The goal is to help people experience your existence in a pleasant way, without overwhelming them. Otherwise, people may start to avoid you.